Milarepa - His Life

Jetsun Milarepa

Tenth Chapter : Meditation Four - (part 2)

Peta spoke again. 'No matter what my brother says, I cannot bear his complete lack of food and clothing. Good food and clothing will not keep you from meditating, so I am going to bring you materials to make a cloak. Since you do not wish to ask for alms, then, according to your desire, die of misery unattended in the wilderness. But if you do not die, I will bring what you need to make clothing.'
They left, and I ate the good food they had brought. The sensation of pleasure and pain and the feelings of hunger increased so much that I could no longer meditate. I thought that there was no greater obstacle for me than this inability to meditate.

Breaking the seal of the scroll that the lama had given me, I looked at it. It contained the essential instructions to overcome obstacles and improve practice, instructions for transforming vice into virtue, and more especially the advice to take good food at this time.

I understood that, through the force of my former perseverance in meditation, my nerves had absorbed creative energy. Due to my inferior food the energy remained inactive. Peta's beer had stimulated my nerves to some extent and Zessay's beer and food had completed the process. Following the directions on the scroll, I worked hard on the vital exercises recommended for body, breathing, and meditation. As a result, the obstructions in the smaller nerves as well, as those in the median nerves were cleared away. I attained an experience of joy, lucidity, and pure awareness similar to what I had known about in theory. In fact it was an extraordinary experience of illumination, which was very powerful and stable. Having overcome the obstacles, I realized imperfections as perfection; even through discriminating thought, I perceived the inherent simplicity of the Dharmakaya.

I understood that in general all things related to samsara and nirvana are interdependent.

Furthermore I perceived that the source consciousness (note 5) is neutral. Samsara is the result of a wrong point of view. Nirvana is realized through perfect awareness. I perceived that the essence of both lay in an empty and luminous awareness. More particularly, this special experience of my illumination was the fruit of my previous meditations and the immediate effects of the food and the profound instructions of the lama. I also had a very special understanding that the methods of the Esoteric Path (Vajrayana) are for the transformation of all sensory experience into spiritual attainment.

Because I owed all this to Peta and Zessay, I expressed my appreciation in meditation so that their merit would contribute to their Enlightenment. And I sang of the Essence of Interdependence:

"I prostrate myself at the feet of Marpa of the Southern Cliffs.
May he bless the mendicant so that he may fulfil his retreat in solitude.

The services rendered by my benefactors
Have sown the seed for their illumination and mine.
This body, difficult to obtain, easy to destroy,
Has regained health, thanks to nourishment.

The fertility of this solid earth,
And the rain of that blue immensity,
These two interact for the benefit of all beings,
And the essence of this interaction lies in the sacred law.

My illusory body nurtured by my father and mother,
And the teaching of the holy lama,
These two interacting brought me to the true Dharma.
And the essence of this interaction lies in the sacred law.

This rocky cave in a deserted land,
And my devotion to the noble path,
These two interact for the fulfilment of my aim.
The essence of this interaction lies in Ultimate Reality.

Milarepa's perseverance in meditation,
And the faith of the beings of the three cosmic planes,
These two interacting herald success in my service to all beings.
And the essence of this interaction lies in compassion.

The great yogin meditates in the rocky cave,
And benefactors bring him food.
These two interacting lead them together toward Enlightenment.
And the essence of this interaction lies in sharing merits.

The compassion of the good lama,
And the disciple's perseverance in meditation,
These two interacting ensure the upholding of the Dharma.
And the essence of this interaction lies in their solemn commitment.

Initiation leading to a rapid transformation,
And invocation with intense trust and devotion,
These two interacting will bring us together soon.
And the essence of this interaction lies in blessings.

O Lama Vajradhara, immutable in essence,
You know the happiness and difficulties of this mendicant."

Thus I sang and, redoubling my efforts, I meditated.

During the day I had the sensation of being able to change my body at will and of levitating through space and of performing miracles. At night in my dreams I could freely and without obstacles explore the entire universe from one end to the other. And, transforming myself into hundreds of different material and spiritual bodies, I visited all the Buddha realms and listened to the teaching there. Also, I could preach the Dharma to a multitude of beings. My body could be both in flames and spouting water.

Having thus obtained inconceivably miraculous powers, I meditated joyfully and with heightened spirit.

I was actually able to fly through space, so I flew to the Cave of the Eagle's Shadow, where I meditated. Then an intense Fire of Tummo radiating warmth and bliss arose in me, immeasurably superior to any such experience I had had in the past. As I returned to the Horse Tooth White Rock, I passed over a small village

The father stopped and looked up. "It is no great wonder. It is the son of that wicked woman. White Jewel of Nyang; it is that cunning, obstinate Mila, wracked by starvation. Don't let his shadow fall on you. Keep on plowing.' The father kept moving around, fearful of being touched by the shadow.
His son said to him, 'If a man can fly, obstinate or not, there is no greater spectacle than that! So look, father!' And the son went on looking at me.

I thought that I should now work for the good of sentient beings. As I was reflecting on this a prophecy of the yidam came to me:

'Devote yourself wholly to meditation in this life, in accordance with the lama's instructions. There is nothing greater than serving the teachings of the Buddha and thereby saving sentient beings through meditation.' Again I thought, 'If I meditate as long as I live, I will be setting the best example for future disciples to renounce the world and meditate.' And I was certain that both the traditions of the Dharma and sentient beings would derive much benefit from that.

Then I thought, 'I have stayed in this place too long and have talked too much about my knowledge of the Dharma to those who visited me. People saw me flying after my experience of illumination. If I stay here any longer I will fall under the influence of the world. There exists a risk of encountering Mara's obstacles, and the Eight Worldly Reactions will disturb my meditation. I must go and meditate at Chuwar according to the prophecy of the lama.'
Then, carrying the pot in which I had cooked the nettles, I left Horse Tooth White Rock. But I was weakened by privation during long meditation and my foot, roughs and cracked, stumbled on the uneven ground outside the cave, and I fell. The handle of the pot broke off, and the pot rolled down the slope. I ran to stop it. From the broken pot the layers of residue deposited by nettle broth broke loose in a single green piece which had the form of the pot.(note 6) I consoled myself with the thought that all composite things are impermanent. Understanding that this too was an exhortation to meditate, I first marvelled at it; then, becoming certain, I sang:

'At the same moment I had a pot and I did not have a pot.
This example demonstrates the whole law of the impermanence of things.
In particular, it shows the human condition.
If this is so, I. the hermit Mila, will strive to meditate without distraction.
The precious pot containing my riches
Becomes my teacher in the very moment it breaks.
This lesson on the inherent impermanence of things is a great marvel.'

As I was singing, several hunters arrived to take their mid-day rest. They said to me, 'Hermit, your song is melodious. Now that you have broken the earthenware pot, what are you going to do with the nettle pot? How did your body become so thin and so green?'

I answered, 'From the fact of having nothing to sustain it.' 'What a marvel! Well, get up and come over here.' And they gave me part of their meal.

During the meal a young hunter said, You are a capable man. If instead of this misery you had lived a worldly life, you could have ridden an excellent horse, the equal of a young lion. Girded with armour, you would have vanquished your enemies. Rich and opulent, you would have had the good fortune to protect your kindly kinsmen. Failing that, had you engaged in business, you would have had the pleasure of being your own master. At worst, even as somebody's servant, with good food and clothing you would have been healthier in body and mind. You did not know this before, but now do something about it.'

An old hunter said, "Indeed, he seems to be a good hermit. There is no danger that he will succumb to our worldly advice. So hold your tongue.' To me he said, 'O you whose voice is so agreeable, please sing us a song for our spiritual benefit.'

I replied, "In your eyes I may seem exceedingly miserable. You do not know that there is no one happier and more sensible than I in the world. Since I live in the highest happiness you can conceive of, listen to this Song of the Galloping Horse of the Yogin:

"I prostrate myself at the feet of Marpa the Compassionate.
In the mountain hermitage which is my body,
In the temple of my breast,
At the summit of the triangle of my heart,
The horse, which is my mind, flies like the wind.

If I try to catch him, with what lasso will I catch him?
If I try to tie him, to what stake will I tie him?
If he is hungry, what fodder will I give him?
If he is thirsty, what shall I mix with his water?(note 7)
If he is cold, within what walls will I shelter him?

If I catch him, I will catch him with the lasso of the unconditioned.
If I tie him, it will be to the stake of deep meditation.
If he is hungry, I will nourish him with the lama's precepts.
If he is thirsty, I will water him at the perpetual stream of mindfulness.
If he is cold, I will shelter him within the walls of Emptiness.

For saddle and bit, I will use skilful means and wisdom.
I will equip him with the strong martingale of immutability.
I will hold the reins of life-sustaining energy.

The child of awareness will ride him.
For a helmet, he will wear the enlightened attitude of Mahayana.
His coat of mail will be fashioned from listening, questioning, and meditation.
On his back he will wear the shield of patience.
He will hold the lance of perfect seeing.
At his side will be fastened the sword of knowledge.

If the arrow of his source consciousness bends,
He will straighten it without anger.
He will fetch it with the feathers of the four boundless attitudes. (note 8)
He will tip it with the sharp point of insight.
To the bow of the emptiness of things he sets the deep nock of compassionate skilful means.

Measuring the infinitude of non-duality,
He will loose his arrows throughout the world.
Those whom he will strike are the faithful ones.
That which he will kill is their clinging to self.

And thus, as enemy, he will subdue desire and delusion.
As friend, he will protect the sentient beings of the six realms.
If he gallops, he will gallop on the plains of great bliss.
If he persists, he will attain the rank of Victorious Buddha.
Going backward, he cuts the root of samsara.
Going forward, he reaches the high land of Buddha-hood.
Astride such a horse, one attains the highest illumination.

Can you compare your happiness to this?
I do not wish for worldly happiness.'

So I spoke and the hunters, showing veneration, went away. When I arrived at Dingri, by the Chuwar road going through Peykhu, I sat down by the side of the road and watched what was going on. Some pretty young girls wearing jewels passed me on their way to Nokme. Seeing my emaciated body, one of them said, 'Look! What misery! May I never be reborn as such a creature.' Another one said, 'How pitiful! A sight like that depresses me.' I thought to myself, 'I have compassion for these ignorant beings.' And, feeling pity, I stood up and said to them, 'Daughters, do not speak in this way. There is no reason for you to be so distressed. You could not be born like me, even if you wished. It is astonishing that you feel compassion, but your compassion comes from pride and a wrong understanding. Listen to my song.' Then I sang to them:

'I invoke the Compassionate Marpa,
Grant me your blessing.

Sentient beings engulfed by their bad karma
Show no respect to others, but only to themselves.

Unfortunate girls, you have faith only in ordinary life.
Your self-esteem and wrong perception burn like fire.
I feel pity for such immature beings.

In these dark days of the Kali Yuga(note 9)
Deceitful people are honoured like gods.
Hypocrites are prized more than gold
And the faithful are rejected like stones on the road.
I have pity for such confused beings.

You proud young girls, my sisters, and
I, Milarepa of Gungthang,
We are disturbing to each other.
Let us compare our pities and by tilting the lance of compassion
See which will be victorious in the end.

To those ignorant ones indulging in idle talk
Milarepa replies by teaching the Dharma.
He returns wine for water,
He returns good for evil.'

So I spoke. The young girl who had been moved to pity for me replied, 'It is he who is called Milarepa. We are all full of self-esteem. We have said many unwise things. Now, let us ask his forgiveness.'

I gave special advice to this girl. Then she offered me seven shells and all the girls prostrated themselves and asked for pardon. In response to their request for instruction, I sang this song:

'I invoke the Compassionate Lama,
I offer the sacred Dharma in brief song.

Above, in the celestial mansion of the Devas,
Conventional Doctrine is preferred; true Doctrine is ignored.

Below, in the palace of the serpent gods,
Worldliness is preferred; the profound teaching is ignored.

In the middle, on man's Earth,
False teachers are preferred; authentic teachers are ignored.

In the four regions of U and Tsang
Teaching is preferred; meditation is ignored.

In the dark days of Kali Yuga
Wicked people are preferred; the good are ignored.

In the eyes of these beautiful girls
The handsome man is preferred; the hermit is ignored.

In the ears of these young girls
This brief song sounds pleasant; the profound Dharma unpleasant.
These are my instructions in song.
This is my response to the gift of the seven shells.
This is the celebration of your forgiveness.'

So I sang. The girls believed in me, and went their way. Then I too left for the region of Drin. I had heard of the caves of Chuwar and Kyipuhk, and I stayed at the cave Castle of the Sun, at Kyipuhk, and meditated there.

Some months passed and my meditation deepened. People came once or twice and brought me food and drink. This I saw as a distraction and I thought, 'Now my inner experience is increasing. If I attract too many people it will create obstacles in my contemplative life. I must go to an isolated wilderness. According to the lama's instructions, I must go to Lachi.'

While I was having such thoughts, Peta came to Horse Tooth White Rock bringing the cloth she had woven for me from the wool and goat hair she had collected. Not finding me there, she went to look for me, questioning everyone.

She was told at Upper Gungthang that a hermit resembling a nettle worm had left Peykhu for South Lato. Thereupon, Peta decided to leave for that region. At Dingri she saw Lama Bari Lotsawa dressed in rich garments of silk, seated upon a high throne and sheltered beneath a canopy. When his monks blew on the trumpets, a great crowd of men surrounded him and deluged him with offerings of tea and beer.

Peta thought to herself. This is the way other people treat their lama. My brother's religion is one of misery for which other people have only contempt. Even his relatives blush for him. If I find my brother, I must urge him to enter this lama's service and I must convince him to do so.'

With this thought in mind, she questioned some of the men regarding my whereabouts. She learned that I was at Drin and decided to go there. Arriving at Kyipuhk, where I was staying, she said to me:

'My elder brother's religion provides him with nothing to eat and nothing to wear. This is shameful and I will no longer stand for it. Make a loincloth from this material which I have woven. Other monks have a lama named Bari Lotsawa. They have erected a throne for him sheltered under a canopy. They dress him in fine silk and offer him tea and beer. Then his monks take up trumpets and sound them to assemble a large crowd of people who offer him gifts beyond belief. He is useful to both his followers and relatives and satisfies their wishes. Religion of this kind is excellent. Try to see if this lama will take you into his service. Even were you the least of his monks you would be happy from now on. Otherwise, this religion and my impoverished condition will not sustain our life.'

While speaking she wept. I answered, 'Do not speak like that. My nakedness and my unconventional behaviour embarrass you. But I am content with this body of mine which enabled me to encounter religion. So I have nothing to be ashamed of. Since I was born naked, I have no cause for shame.

Those who knowingly, and without restraint, commit sins break their parents' hearts. Those who live off the lama's wealth and temple offerings, and those who injure beings by crafty means to achieve their own aims - all these only injure themselves and others and displease the gods and holy men. They are a cause for shame both in this life and the next. If you are ashamed of my nakedness you should be more ashamed of your big breasts, which you did not have when you were born from your mother. You think that I meditate without food or clothing through lack of alms? It is not so. Inwardly, I fear the sufferings of samsara and the lower realms as a man fears being hurled alive into the flames. When I see how people indulge in pleasure and in the Eight Worldly Reactions, I am disgusted, like a man gorged with food that vomits it up. I am as horrified as though I were seeing bloodstained hands that had murdered my own father. This is the reason for my renunciation.

'In the following instructions of Lama Marpa of the Southern Cliffs. I was advised to renounce indulgence in the Eight Worldly Reactions: "You must renounce food, clothing, and fame. You must withdraw to one solitary place after another. And you must, above all else, meditate with intense devotion and determination, abandoning the aims of this life." It is these instructions that I am carrying out. And in so doing not only do I assure the happiness of those who follow me but also lasting happiness for all other beings. The hour of death being uncertain, I have renounced the works of this life and the ways of pursuing the Eight Worldly Reactions. If I tried, not only could I join the lowest rung of Lama Bari Lotsawa's retinue but I could even become like him. But wishing to attain Enlightenment in this life, I ardently dedicate myself to meditation. Peta. you too, renounce the Eight Worldly Reactions and follow me to the snows of Lachi to meditate. The sun of happiness will shine on you in this life and the next if you can renounce the Eight Worldly Reactions and meditate. Listen to your brother's song:

'Lama, Protector of beings and Embodiment of the Buddhas of the Three Ages,
Unstained by the Eight Worldly Reactions,
You who bless your spiritual descendants,
Marpa the Translator, I prostrate myself at your feet.
Listen to me, sister Peta, young maiden,
Consumed by the desires of this earthly life.

First, a parasol with pinnacle of shining gold;
Second, encircled with fringes of Chinese silk;
Third, the frame adorned as beautifully as the tail of a
Peacock, Fourth, a handle made of red sandalwood;
These four things your elder brother could obtain, if he so wished.
But these things ensue from the Eight Worldly Reactions
And your brother has abandoned them because the sun of
Happiness has risen for him.
Abandon the Eight Worldly Reactions, O my sister. Peta.
Abandon them and follow me to the snows of Lachi.
Let us go together to the snows of Lachi.

First, the brightly painted little monastery, high above the village;
Second, the eloquent discourses of a young lama;
Third, a good butter tea, warming on the splendid stove;
Fourth, the young monks, eager to serve;
These four things your elder brother could obtain, if he so wished.
But these things ensue from the Eight Worldly Reactions
And your brother has abandoned them because the sun of
Happiness has risen for him.
Abandon the Eight Worldly Reactions, O my sister, Peta.
Abandon them and follow me to the snows of Lachi.
Let us go together to the snows of Lachi.

First, the rites and rituals, divination and astrology;
Second, the abbess, high priestess skilled in hypocrisy;
Third, those who organize ritual feasts for sensual pleasure;
Fourth, sweet chanting to deceive the female devotees;
These four things your elder brother could obtain, if he so wished.
But these things ensue from the Eight Worldly Reactions
And your brother has abandoned them because the sun of
Happiness has risen for him.
Abandon the Eight Worldly Reactions, O my sister, Peta.
Abandon them and follow me to the snows of Lachi.
Let us go together to the snows of Lachi.

First, the majestic castle with its soaring tower;
Second, intense cultivation of the fertile fields;
Third, provisions and treasure amassed by avarice;
Fourth, the crowd of servants deepening the involvement in samsara;
These four things your elder brother could obtain, if he so wished.
But these things ensue from the Eight Worldly Reactions
And your brother has abandoned them because the sun of
Happiness has risen for him.
Abandon the Eight Worldly Reactions, O my sister, Peta.
Abandon them and follow me to the snows of Lachi.
Let us go together to the snows of Lachi.

First, the arched neck of a great stallion;
Second, the ornamented saddle, glittering with jewels;
Third, the warrior brilliant in his armour;
Fourth, the passion to subdue the enemy and protect the friend;
These four things your elder brother could obtain, if he so wished.
But these things ensue from the Eight Worldly Reactions
And your brother has abandoned them because the sun of
Happiness has risen for him.
Abandon the Eight Worldly Reactions, O my sister, Peta.
Abandon them and follow me to the snows of Lachi.
Let us go together to the snows of Lachi.

In not renouncing the Eight Worldly Reactions,
In not going to the snows of Lachi,
Your sisterly affection distracts me.
Worldly talk disturbs my practice.
From the moment one is born, he does not know when he will die.
I do not have time to put off my practice till later.
I will exert myself to meditate without distraction.
The instructions of my Father Lama benefit the mind.
By meditating according to these instructions,
I shall achieve the great tranquillity of liberation.
That is why I go to the snows of Lachi.

Sister, choose if you wish the Eight Worldly Reactions,
Accumulate sins small and large.
Bind yourself to the whole cycle of existence,
And even try to reach the three lower realms.
But if you fear the round of birth and death,
Abandon the Eight Worldly Reactions.
Let us go to the snows of Lachi.
Brother and sister, let us go together to the snows of Lachi.'

Thus I sang, and Peta replied, 'What my brother calls the Eight Worldly Reactions, people call worldly happiness. We have no happiness to give up. Your high-sounding words are an excuse to cloak your realization that you will never be like Lama Bari Lotsawa. I will not go to Lachi to buy misery and deprive myself of food and clothing. I do not even know where Lachi is. Rather than running away and hiding in the rocks like a deer pursued by hounds, stay in one place and your practice will intensify and also it will be easier for me to find you. People in this region seem to revere you. So, stay for a few days, even if you do not live here permanently. Make yourself a loincloth from this material. I will soon return.'

I promised to stay there a few days. When my sister had gone to Dingri, I made a hood to cover my head and sewed a sleeve for each of my fingers and for my feet. Then I sewed a sheath for my sexual organ.

My sister returned at the end of a few days and asked, 'Brother, have you sewn the cloth? '

'I have.'

I put them on and I showed her the sheaths I had made for each of my extremities.

She exclaimed, 'Look at him! My brother has nothing-human left in him! Not only is he completely without shame, but he has also ruined the cloth that I wove with such labour. Is it because he has no time to do anything but meditate, or is it because he has too much time?'

I answered, 'I am the holy man who seeks the essential good from this precious human life. Knowing what real shame is, I remain faithful to my vows and precepts. Sister, you alone blush at my nakedness. Even if I wished to cut off my sexual organ, I dare not. I fashioned a modest covering for it just as you asked me, even though it interrupted my meditation. Since I consider all the parts of my body to be of equal worth, I made these sheaths. Your cloth has not been destroyed. But I see now that you feel more ashamed than I. If you blush at my organ, blush equally at your own. If for you it is better to get rid of an object you consider shameful, get rid of your own.'

As I said these words, her face darkened. I continued, 'Moreover, worldly people do not know how to feel shame. They feel ashamed of things, which are natural while unashamedly indulging in evil deeds and hypocrisy, which are truly shameful. Listen to your brother's song about shame:

'Homage to the venerable lamas,
Bless this mendicant that he may understand shame.
Maiden Peta, bound by false modesty,
Listen for a moment to your brother's song.

You who feel ashamed through ignorance
Blush at things, which are not shameful.
But I, a hermit, know what shame really is.
Living normally in body, speech, and mind,
How can discriminative shame arise?

Knowing that we are born as men and women,
The differences are clear to everyone.
Real concern for modesty and decency
Is not to be found among worldly people.
Shameful is the bride, bought for silver,
Shameful, too, the child in her arms.

Greed and hatred and evil deeds,
Robbery, trickery, and fraud,
The betrayal of friends,
All these are the results of distorted perception
And are truly shameful. But few abstain from them.

All great hermits who have renounced this life
Devote the whole of their lives to the Dharma.
Through the secret practice of the profound Vajrayana,
Which is the quintessence of all vital practices,
There is no reason to feel false shame.
Therefore, Peta, do not create your own misery.
Bring your mind back to its natural purity.'

So I sang. Peta, with a sullen face, offered me the tsampa and meat, which she had obtained by begging. Then she said, 'No matter what I say, my brother does not listen to me. But I will not forsake you. Eat these things and I will try to get more.'

She prepared to leave. I wondered how I could bring her to the Dharma. I said to her, "Even if you do no religious work, live here without committing sins as long as these provisions last.' During the time that she stayed with me, I explained as much as I could about the law of karma.

My sister gained a definite understanding of the Dharma and her desire for worldly things began to decrease.

*
In the meantime my uncle died, and thereafter my aunt began to feel sincere remorse. Looking everywhere for me, she arrived at Drin, leading a dzo loaded with provisions. She left the dzo there and, carrying as much as she could, found her way to my cave.

Peta, standing on a ledge, caught sight of her. As soon as she recognized our aunt, she exclaimed, 'Because our aunt inflicted all kinds of sufferings on our mother and ourselves, it is better not to meet her.'

Then Peta pulled back the log, which bridged the entrance to our cave. At that moment the aunt arrived at the other side.

'Niece,' she said, "do not pull back the log. Your aunt is here.'

Peta answered. That is just why I pulled it back.'
'Very true, my niece. But now a terrible sense of remorse has arisen in me. Brother and sister, I have come to find you, so put back the bridge. If you do not replace it, at least tell your brother that I am here.'

I was on the other side of the crevass and had climbed to the top of a rock, where I remained. The aunt prostrated herself and repeatedly-begged to see me. I thought to myself, 'If I do not eventually meet with her, I will not be acting in accordance with the Dharma; but first I must rebuke her.'

So I said, 'In principle, I have given up all attachment to relatives, and especially to my uncle and my aunt. First, you plunged us into misery. Even after I set out upon the religious path and came begging, you brutally assaulted me. That is why I do not concern myself with you. The song I am going to recite will tell you why. Listen! ' And then I sang this Song of Shame to my aunt:

'O Compassionate One, merciful to all beings,
Marpa the Translator, I prostrate myself at your feet.
Be the support of this mendicant who has no other protection.

O my aunt, do you remember what you have done?
If you have forgotten, I will remind you with this song.
In the wretched land of Kya-Ngatsa,
We, mother and children, lost our noble father.
Then all our wealth was taken from us and we were given misery in return.
We were scattered like beans with a stick
By you and by our uncle too.
From that day on, I gave up all attachment to my relatives.

But when I wandered to the ends of the earth
I yearned to see my mother and sister, so 1 returned home.
My mother was dead and my sister gone.
Under the weight of sadness and despondency,
I devoted myself wholly to meditation.

Because I was starving, I left my cave to beg
And found myself at my aunt's tent.
Recognizing the poor hermit,
She was prompted to anger and violence.
She called her dog and set him upon me.
Using a tent pole as a stick,
She beat my body as one flails a sheaf of grain.
I fell face down into a pool of water.
As I was about to lose my precious life,
She screamed at me, "Monster of evil,"
And reviled me as the shame of the family.
My heart, crushed by these terrible words,
Was torn with pain and roused to fury.
Breathless and stunned, I could not speak.
With countless deceptions, she took my house and fields,
Even though I no longer wanted them.
A demon's mind lives in my aunt's body.
From that day on, I abandoned all my feelings for her.

Then, when I arrived at my uncle's door,
He, with evil in his heart, shouted terrible words at me:
"The demon of destruction has come!"
And he called the neighbours to help kill me,
He cursed me with all sorts of vile words.
Showers of stones were thrown at me,
And a stream of arrows descended on me.
My heart was struck with unbearable pain.
At that moment I was close to death.
A butcher's heart is in my uncle's body.
From that day onward I abandoned all my feelings for him.

To this poor hermit, relatives are crueler than enemies.
Later, when I was meditating in the mountains,
The faithful Zessay, who could not forsake me,
Came to me out of her love.
With affectionate words, soothing to my mind,
She consoled my wounded heart.
With nourishing food and drink
She eased my thirst and hunger.
I am deeply grateful to her.

Even so, except for devotees of the Dharma,
I have no reason to see anyone, even Zessay,
And still less reason to see my aunt.
So leave now while it is still day.'

So I spoke. My aunt, weeping and repeatedly prostrating herself implored me, 'Nephew, all along you has been right. I beg your forgiveness and I sincerely confess my guilt. My remorse is terrible. I never completely lost my feeling for you, nephew and niece, and so I came looking for you. Please let me see you. If you do not grant my wish, I will kill myself.'

I could not bear -to refuse her. But as I was about to put the log in place, Peta whispered to me many reasons why I should not see my aunt. Not heeding her, I replied, 'Normally, a man's mind is defiled by drinking from the same source as one who has betrayed human trust. But my aunt has not betrayed any sacred trust and because I am a devotee of the Dharma, I will receive her.'

Speaking thus. I put the log in place. I received my aunt according to her wish. I spoke to her at length about the law of karma. She turned her whole attention to Dharma practice. Afterward, she became a yogini who achieved her own liberation through meditation.

At this moment Shiwa O Repa (Repa Calm Light) asked the Master, "Master, when you were receiving religious instruction, did you show great devotion to the lama? Your perseverance in meditation was so inconceivably great that in comparison our practice is mere pretence. This will not lead us to liberation. What can we do?' So saying, he wept.

The Master answered:

'Considering all the misery of samsara and of the lower realms, my devotion and perseverance do not seem great. Thoughtful people who accept the great law of cause and effect are capable of such perseverance. Those who do not believe in the Dharma have little understanding and are incapable of abandoning the Eight Worldly Reactions. That is why it is important to believe in the law of karma.
When one has continually shown signs of disbelief, even in the obvious aspects of karma, it is far more difficult to understand and believe in the emptiness of things, regardless of ample explanations based on the Buddha's words and rational considerations. If one believed in the emptiness of things one would perceive the interdependence of cause and effect as being inherent in Emptiness itself. Moreover one would achieve greater devotion to the application of knob’s principles. The foundation of all Dharma practice lies in belief in the law of karma, and therefore it is very important for you to devote yourself wholeheartedly to the elimination of harmful deeds and to the practice of virtue.

"Even though I was at first incapable of understanding the meaning of Emptiness, I trusted the law of karma. This is why, after having accumulated many crimes, I thought I would not be able to escape the lower realms. My fear was so great that I was compelled to venerate my lama and dedicate myself to meditation.

"You also must live alone in mountain solitude and carry on the practice of esoteric teaching according to my instructions. And I, an old man, assure you that you will achieve liberation.'

Then Bodhi Raja of Ngandzong asked:

'Lama Rimpoche, it seems to me that you are either the incarnation of Vajradhara Buddha and that you engage in all these actions for the benefit of sentient beings, or you are a great Bodhisattva who has attained the state of "Non-returning" and who has accumulated immense merit for many aeons. In you, I see all the characteristics of a true yogin who sacrifices his life for the Dharma practice. We human individuals cannot even conceive the extent of your asceticism and your devotion to your lama, let alone practice it ourselves. If we dared to practice in this way, our bodies could not bear such an ordeal. That is why it is certain that you were a Buddha or Bodhisattva from the very beginning. And so, although I am incapable of religion, I believe that we sentient beings will be led toward liberation from samsara through seeing your face and hearing your words. Revered Master, I beg you to tell us if you are the incarnation of a Buddha or a Bodhisattva.'

The Master replied:

'I never heard whose incarnation I am. Maybe I am the incarnation of a being from the three lower realms, but if you see me as Buddha you will receive his blessing by virtue of your faith. Although this belief that I am an incarnation springs from your devotion to me, actually there is no greater impediment to your practice. It is a distortion of the true Dharma. The fault lies in not recognizing the true nature of the achievement of great yogins. The Dharma is so effective that even a great sinner like myself has reached a stage not far from Enlightenment due to my belief in karma, my subsequent renunciation of the aims of worldly life, and due especially to my single-minded devotion to meditation.

'More particularly, if you receive initiation and the secret instruction which brings spontaneous awakening unclouded by conceptualizations, and if you then meditate under the guidance of an enlightened lama, you will undoubtedly attain Enlightenment.

'If you commit the ten harmful deeds and the five deadly sins, without doubt you will be reborn into the torments of the lowest realms. This is because there is no belief in karma and but little devotion to the Dharma.

'Whoever wholeheartedly believes in karma and dreads the suffering of the lower realms, a great longing for illumination will arise in him. This will lead him to devote himself to a lama, to meditation, and to maintaining a deeper insight. It is possible for every ordinary man to persevere as I have done. To consider a man of such perseverance as the reincarnation of a Buddha or as a Bodhisattva is a sign of not believing in the short path. Put your faith in the great law of cause and effect. Contemplate the lives of enlightened teachers; reflect upon karma, the misery of the cycle of existence, the true value of human life, and not knowing the hour of death. Devote yourselves to the practice of the Vajrayana.

'I deprived myself of food, clothing, and recognition. I strengthened my mind. And without concern for the hardships imposed on my body, I went to meditate in the solitude of the mountains. Then the virtue of the spiritual state manifested itself. Follow my example with your whole heart.'

Thus spoke the Master. This is the tenth chapter, in which he tells how he obeyed the instructions of his lama, how he renounced this life, practised terrible austerities, and withdrew to meditate in the mountains.

Translators Notes:

Note 5: Source consciousness. This refers to what is known as the source of all consciousness (Alaya-vijnana in Sanskrit). The Indian Buddhist school of idealism (Yogacara) propounds the theory that all thought processes originate from or dissolve themselves into the source consciousness. The whole phenomenal world is but a mental product, ‘objective reality’ an illusion of mind. It is the same mind that creates a ‘real’ self out of mere imagination. While denying a duality, this school confirms the subjective reality of source consciousness – defined as transparency and awareness only. It is considered to be completely neutral, in the sense of being a foundation or base. In esoteric tradition the source consciousness in the mirror-like awareness which is realized when the mind’s delusions are dispelled. Ordinary mind is overcome with defiled thought (nyonyi or nonyid) which may be compared to impurity that stains the source consciousness. Trough the transformative process, the defilement of thoughts is cleared away and the nature of pure awareness then realized as enlightenment.
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Note 6: Single green piece which had the form of the pot. This relic still exists and is kept in Tashilhunpo.
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Note 7: What shall I mix with his water? Adding barley flour to water is a Tibetan custom.
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Note 8: The four boundless attitudes are the same as the Four Infinite Attributes - Love, compassion, goodwill, and equanimity.
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Note 9: The Kali Yuga (the Dark Age) refers to the fourth and last cycle of time of our universe. The first three were known as Satya Yuga (complete happiness), Treta Yuga (threefold happiness), and Dwapara Yuga (twofold happiness). The Kali Yuga era is marked by (1) intellectual sophistication at the expense of spiritual attainment, (2) decline is the quality of life, (3) increasing menace to an already shortened life-span, (4) misguided concepts and mental impurity, and (5) widespread violence and conflicts
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go to Eleventh Chapter: Retreats