Milarepa - His Life

Jetsun Milarepa

Fifth Chapter: Ordeals - Part One

Then I went begging throughout the entire valley. In this way I collected twenty-one measures of barley. With fourteer measures I bought a cooking pot with four handles, free of rust, smooth inside and out. With one measure I bought meat and beer, and the remaining measures I poured into a big sack. Then, carrying the cooking pot on top of everything, I returned to the lama's dwelling.
Trembling with fatigue, I dropped the heavy load and the room shook. The lama, who was eating his meal, was so startled he stopped eating.

'Little man,' he said, 'you are too energetic! Do you also intend to bury us under the ruins of the house with your magic? You are obnoxious! Take your barley away.'

And he pushed it away with his foot. While I was dragging the sack outside, I said to myself simply and without evil thought, 'This lama is irritable! I will have to watch my behavior and my way of serving him.' Returning and prostrating myself, I offered him my empty cooking pot. He took it in his hands and held it for a moment, his eyes pensive. Tears fell from his eyes, and he said, 'Your gift is auspicious. I offer it to the Great Master Naropa.'

Marpa raised it in offering. Shaking the handles of the vessel in order to apprise the sound, he made it ring and carried it into his shrine room. He filled it with melted butter from the altar lamps. At this moment I was overcome with emotion and was burning with desire for religion. Again, I begged the lama to instruct me.

He replied, 'Faithful disciples come to me in large numbers from U and Tsang. The inhabitants in Yadrok Taklung and those of Ling attack them and steal their provisions and their gifts. Bury these two regions in hail. This will be religious work. Afterward, I shall instruct you.'

I sent a fierce hailstorm to these two regions. Then I asked the lama to instruct me. The lama replied, 'For the few hailstones you have sent, am I to give you a teaching which I have brought back from India with such great difficulty? You want my teaching ... Well then, the mountaineers at Lhobrak pass attack my disciples coming from Nyal Loro. They laugh at me. You, who call yourself a great magician, cast your spells upon these mountaineers, and if you prove your magic, I shall give you the teaching of Naropa to attain Enlightenment in one life and one body.'

After I had cast my spells, the moutltaineers fought among themselves and many of the more belligerent perished by the sword. At the sight of this the lama said, 'It is true that you are a great magician.' From then on he called me great Magician.

I asked for the teaching on Enlightenment. But he replied, ‘Ha! Is it to reward your many crimes that I went to India at the risk of my life? You say you want these teachings which are the living breath of the dakinis and for which, disdaining riches, I offered gold without measure. I hope you are only joking! Anyone else would kill you for that! Now restore the harvest in the land of Yadrok and heal the mountaineers; after that I will teach you. But never come back if you cannot do this.'

In this harsh way the lama rebuked me. Overcome with sorrow, I wept. The lama's wife consoled me.
The next day the lama himself came and said to me, 'Last evening I was very hard on you, but do not be distressed. Be patient. Teaching is very slow work. You have the energy to work, so build a tower which I will give to my son, Darma Doday (Young Man of Sutra). When you have done that I will instruct you and I will supply your food and clothing.'

'During this time, if I die without religion, what will become of me?'

'I guarantee that you will not die during this time. My teaching can be expressed in a few words. If you can meditate with perseverance according to my instructions, you will show whether you can or cannot attain Enlightenment in this life. In my lineage an enlightening energy is transmitted which has no similarity to that of others.'

After these comforting words, I was filled with joy.
Then I said, 'Do you wish to tell me about the plan of the tower?'

All the cousins on Marpa's paternal side had taken an oath among themselves not to build any fortifications. But Marpa had not taken the oath.

Now as he was thinking of building a tower, he found at the same time a way to deceive his relatives and a way for me to expiate my evil deeds. And he said to me, 'Build a tower like this on the eastern crest of the mountain.' And so I began building a round tower.

This I did. Another time, on the western crest of the mountain, the lama pretended to be drunk and said to me, ‘Make a tower similar to this.' And so I made a semicircular tower. It was hardly half finished when the lama came and said, 'It is not yet right. Tear it down and carry the earth and stones back to where you got them.'

This time we went to the top of the mountain to the north and the lama said to me, 'Great Magician, the other day I was drunk and did not give you good direction. Build a sturdy tower here.'

I replied, 'To tear something down while it is being built makes me miserable and is a waste of your wealth. Please think carefully beforehand!'

The lama replied, 'Today I am not drunk. I have thought about it very carefully. This tower will be called Tower of the Tantric Yogin. It chould be triangular. Build it. It will not be torn down.' I began to build a triangular tower. About a third of it had been completed when the lama came and said, 'Great Magician, for whom are you building this tower? Who gave you the instructions?'

'It was the lama himself who ordered this tower for his son.'

'I do not remember having given you such orders. If you are right, I must be crazy. Have I completely lost my mind?'

'I clearly remember suspecting it would be like this and respectfully asking you to think about it carefully. You replied it was fully thought out and that this tower would not be demolished.'

'Very well then, who is your witness? Perhaps you are thinking of shutting us up in your triangular tower, as in a magic triangle, and casting spells on us; yet we have not robbed you of your patrimony, we have not eaten up your father's goods. If that is not so and if you wish for religion, since you have displeased the gods of the region, go and put this earth and these stones back in their places.

Afterward, if you want the teaching, I will give it to you. If you will not do this, then leave.'

As he spoke, he was roused to anger. Overwhelmed by grief and still thirsting for religion, I obeyed. I carried back from the triangular tower, to their places, first the earth and then the stones. It was then that I got a sore on

The lama replied, 'Prepare him a good meal and bring him to me.'

The mother prepared the meal and brought me before the lama, who said, 'Great Magician, do not tell lies about something I have not done. Since you desire the teaching, I will give it to you.'

He gave me an exposition on the Triple Refuge and the basic precepts. And he continued, 'This is the general law for everyone. But if you want the secret teaching, here is what must be done.'

And he told me the story of Naropa's liberation and of the way he underwent his terrible ordeals.
‘For you this way will be difficult.'

As he was speaking these words, my faith increased so that I shed tears. I swore to carry out everything the lama asked of me.

After several days had passed, the lama took me for a walk. We came to the land protected by the cousins.

The lama said to me, 'Build in this place a square white tower nine stories high with a superstructure and a pinnacle, forming ten stories. It will never be torn down. When you have finished, I will give you the secret teaching. Then you may retire to meditate and during your retreat I will provide for your sustenance.'

'Then,' said I, 'would it not be good for the lama's wife to be witness to all these promises?'

'Very well,' said the lama.

Then he traced on the ground the placement of the walls. I invited the lama's wife to come, and in their presence said, 'I have already built three towers and have destroyed them. The first time the lama said he had not given it enough thought. The second time he said he was drunk. The third time he wondered if he were crazy, or if tie had lost his mind and no longer remembered anything. When reminded him of the instructions he had given me, he asked me who was my witness and moreover he heaped reproaches upon me. Now that I have called you to hear these new promises, please be my witness.'
The lama's wife replied, 'I am glad to be a witness. But it will be difficult to have my testimony upheld since the lama is very autocratic. First of all, the lama builds without reason and destroys without reason. Furthermore, this land does not belong to us alone; it belongs to the cousins as well. That will be a cause for quarrels. No matter what I say, the father will not listen.'

The lama said to his wife, 'You bear witness. As for me, I will act according to my promise. Great Magician, if you have no trust and if you will not make a pledge, then go away.'

So I laid the foundations for a square tower. While I was putting up the wall, the disciples Ngokton of Shung, Tshurton of Dol, and Meton of Tsangrong playfully rolle a large rock in my direction and placed it as the cornerstone.

When I had built to the second story on both sides of the large door, the lama came and carefully inspected everything pointing a finger at the large boulder that had been rolled into place by the three disciples, he said, 'Great Magician, where did this stone come from?'

I replied, 'Your three foremost disciples brought it here for their amusement.'

'Well, you must not put one of their stones in the structure you are building. So take it out and put it where it was.'

‘You promised that this tower would not be destroyed.'

‘Quite right. Yet it is not fitting for you to be served by my disciples who are practicing the two advanced stages. Do not demolish everything, but take away the stone and put it back where it was.'
Then I demolished the building from the top down and returned the rock to its place.

'Now,' said the lama, 'fetch the stone again and put it back as the cornerstone.'

I put it back. Alone, I had to exert as much strength as the three disciples. Because I had carried away the stone myself and brought it back, I named this stone My Giant Stone.

While I was laying the foundations of the tower on the crest of the mountain, the cousins took counsel and said, ‘Marpa is building a tower on the Mountain of Solemn Oath. We must safeguard our land.'
Some of them said, 'Marpa has gone crazy. He has a novice from Lato with great strength who is building towers with no definite plan on every hillock and ridge. When half finished, he demolishes the towers and returns the earth and stones to their places. Likewise he will demolish this one. If he does not tear it down, we can then prevent him from continuing. Let us see what he is going to do.'

Far from demolishing it, I continued to build the tower. By the time I reached the seventh story, I had a sore on my back. The cousins then said, 'This time he is not going to tear it down. The destruction of the previous towers was only a ruse hiding the intent to build this one. We will demolish it ourselves.'

They prepared for war. Then the lama conjured up some phantom soldiers, clad in armor, and put them everywhere, inside and outside the tower. His enemies said, 'Where did Marpa get all these soldiers?'

Filled with terror, they dared not attack, but each one in secret prostrated himself and offered his respects, and they all became benefactors and disciples of Marpa.

Chakrasamvara

At that time, the great Meton of Tsangrong came to request the Yidam Chakrasamvara (note 1) initiation. The lama's wife said to me, 'Now try by every means to obtain the teaching.' In my heart I thought, 'Now that I have built this tower without anyone else bringing a single stone - even the size of a goat's head - a single basket of earth, a single bucket of water, or a single hodful of mortar, I am going

Then, after having greeted the lama, I sat down with the others. The lama called to me, 'Great Magician, what gift do you bring me?'

I answered, 'I rendered you homage by building the tower for your son. You promised to give me initiation and instruction. That is why I am here.'
'You made a little tower which isn't even as thick as my arm. It is hardly worth the Doctrine which I, with great difficulty, brought all the way from India. If you have the price of my teaching, give it to me. Otherwise do not stay here among the initiates of the secret teaching.'

Speaking thus, the lama slapped me, grabbed me by the hair, and threw me out. I wanted to die and I wept the whole night. The lama's wife came to console me. 'The lama has always said that the teachings were brought back by him

Were even a dog to present itself to him, he would teach it the Doctrine, and dedicate the merits of the teaching for the benefit of all. Why he refuses you, I do not know. In any case, do not have bad thoughts because of it.'

Having cheered me up, she left. The next morning the lama himself came. 'Great Magician, do not continue with the tower. Build a shrine room at the base of the tower surrounded by a covered walk with twelve columns. Then I will give you the secret teaching.'

I laid the foundations and built the covered walk. All the while the lama's wife brought me well-seasoned food and so much beer that I became a little drunk. She was full of goodness and she comforted me.

Guhyasamaja

When I was about to finish, Tshurton Ouangnye of Dol came to ask for the Guhyasamaja (note 2) initiation. The lama's wife said to me, 'Now, my son, you should be able to receive the initiation.' And she gave me a tub of butter, a piece of cloth, and a small copper cooking pot to give to the lama. Having offered my gifts, I joined the others.

The lama asked me, 'Great Magician, what gift have you brought that you place yourself in these ranks?'

‘This tub of butter, this piece of cloth, and this copper cooking pot.'

'These things have already been given to me by someone else. Do not give me my own goods! If you have something of your own to give, go and fetch it. If not, do not remain here.'

And, getting up, he cursed me, kicked me, and threw me out. I wanted to sink into the earth.

Was this punishment for the murders I had committed through sorcery and for the destruction of numerous crops by my hailstorms? Did the lama know that I would never be able to practice the Dharma (note 3)?' Or was it through lack of compassion that he would not teach me? Whatever it may be, of what use is this human body which, without religion, only accumulates defilement? Should I kill myself?

At that moment the lama's wife brought me a portion of the sacrificial cake. She consoled me very much and went away. But I had no desire to eat, and spent the whole night weeping.

The next morning the lama came and said, 'Now finish building the covered walk and the tower. Afterward I will give you initiation and instruction.'

Then I finished the tower and undertook the completion of the covered walk. By that time I had sores on my back. Pus and blood ran from three wounds. I showed my back, which was one mass of sores, to the lama's wife. I begged her to come to my rescue, to ask the lama to teach me and to remind him of the promises he made at the time of laying the foundation of the tower. The mother looked with concern at my sores, and tears poured from her eyes.

'I am going to speak to the lama,' she said.

And going before the lama, she spoke in this way: 'Lama Rimpoche, the work Great Magician is doing has skinned and rubbed all his limbs raw. On his back are three sores streaming with blood and pus. I have heard of, and even seen, horses and donkeys with sores on their backs, but I have never yet seen, nor heard of, such sores on the backs of men. I would be ashamed if other men were to see or hear of such a thing. I am even more ashamed, knowing it was caused by a great lama such as yourself. Because he is truly worthy of compassion, give this child instruction. You said in the beginning that you would give him the teaching when he had built the tower.'

The lama replied, 'That is just what I said. I said that I would give him my teaching when he had built a tower ten stories high. Where are the ten stories?'

'He has built more than the ten stories. He has constructed a lower covered walk.'

'Do not talk so much. If he builds ten stories I will instruct him. Does he really have sores?'

‘Not only does he have sores but there is almost nothing left of his back but sores. But you have so much power you can do whatever pleases you.'

Having thus spoken, with great sorrow, she then hastened to me. 'Well then, you had better come with me,' she said.

On the way I thought, 'Is he going to instruct me?'

The lama said to me, 'Great Magician, show me your back.'

I showed it to him and when he had finished examining it carefully, he said, 'My Master Naropa underwent twenty-four mortiflcations (note 4), twelve great and twelve minor trials, all of which surpass yours. As for me, without a thought for my life or my wealth, I gave both to my Master Naropa. So if you seek the teaching, be humble and continue the work on the tower.'

I thought to myself that he was right.

From my clothing he made a pad to protect my wounds and said, 'Since you work in the manner of horses and donkeys, use this pad for your wounds and continue to carry the earth and stones.'

I answered, 'How will the pad for the wounds cure the sores on my back?'

‘The pad is to keep the dirt away from your sores.'

Thinking this was an order, I carried the earth in a vessel which I held in front of me, and, as I was making mortar, the lama saw me and thought, 'This submission to everything that is commanded is extraordinary.' And he secretly shed tears.

My sores became infected and I fell ill. I told this to the lama's wife. On my behalf she asked that I be initiated or, at least, that I be permitted to rest and heal my sores.

The lama replied, 'As long as the tower is not finished, he shall have nothing. If he can work, let him do what he can; if he cannot, then let him rest.'

The mother said to me, 'As long as your sores are not healed, rest.’

She fortified me with good food and drink during this time. For a few days I was happy except for my grief at not having obtained instruction. While my sores were healing, the lama came to me and without speaking of the Doctrine, said, ‘Great Magician, it is time for you to go back to work on the tower.'

I was about to do this when the lama's wife said to me, ‘Between the two of us, let us work out a scheme for you to get the teaching.'

Having reached an agreement with her, I tied my book and few possessions on top of a little sack of flour, as if I were leaving. In order to be seen by the lama, I asked his wife to help me.

She said in a loud voice, 'If you ask the lama, he will give you the teaching. Stay here despite everything.' And she pretended to restrain me.

Seeing this, the lama asked, 'Woman, what are you two doing there?'

She answered, 'Great Magician says that long ago he came from a far-off village to learn the teaching. Instead of the teaching, he has received only abusive words and blows. For fear of dying without religion, he is going to look for another lama and is taking his belongings with him. Thanks to my pleas and promises that he would obtain the teaching, I have been able to delay his departure.'

The lama said, 'I understand.' And he came out and slapped me again and again.

'When you arrived here you at once gave me your body, speech, and mind. And now where are you going? Surely you are not leaving?

Since you belong to me, I could cut you, body, speech, and mind, into a hundred pieces. If in spite of that you are going away, tell me, why are you taking my flour?'

Speaking in this manner, he kept slapping me. He grabbed the sack of flour and took it into the house. My despair was like that of a mother who has lost her only son. Following the advice of the lama's wife, and because the lama was so terrible, I went back into the house trembling, and began to weep.

The lama's wife said to me, 'Whatever we may try, the lama will not give you the teaching now, but in the end he will surely give it to you. Meanwhile, I will instruct you.'

She gave me the method for meditating on Dorje Pahgmo (note 5). It brought me no inner experience but was very beneficial to my mind and it lifted my spirits. I showed my gratitude to the lama's wife for her kindness.

I thought that she, being the wife of the lama, could purify sins. In the summer when she was milking cows, I held the bucket for her. When she roasted grain, I held the pans for her. Thus everywhere I rendered her service.

Dorje Pahgmo (Vajrayogini)

Hevajra

As I was mixing mortar for the covered walk and shrine room, Ngokton Chodor of Shung and his followers, bringing numerous presents, came to ask for the great initiation of Hevajra (note 6). The lama's wife said to me, 'If the lama is not satisfied with the tower that has been constructed and if he desires riches, offer him a gift and make sure that he grants you the initiation.'

She gave me a large deep blue turquoise that she had kept secretly and said, 'You ask him first, and offer him this. If he refuses, I shall ask for you.'
I offered it to the lama, saying, 'I beg of you, give me instruction on this occasion.'

And I stood among the disciples. The lama examined the turquoise, turning it over and over.

'Where did Great Magician get this?'

I answered, 'The mother gave it to me.'

The lama smiled and said, 'Go and fetch the mistress.'

I begged the mother to come.

The lama said to her, 'Mistress, where did we get this turquoise?'

Having bowed deeply, the mother replied, 'This turquoise is not your concern. When I was given to you in marriage by my parents you flew into a furious rage. Then my parents secretly gave me this turquoise and said to me, "Put this away without showing it to anyone. If ever you and your husband divorce, you may need it." I have given it to this child, for whom I feel unbearable pity. Accept it and grant the initiation to Great Magician. Lama Ngokpa * , you and your followers, who understand his grief at being excluded from initiation, help me in my prayer.'

So saying, she prostrated herself many times. The lama was so terrifying that Ngokpa and his followers did not even dare utter a prayer. They merely made gestures of approval and prostrated themselves along with the lama's wife.

The lama said, 'Through the good offices of my wife, this fine turquoise nearly fell into the hands of a stranger.'

And, tying it around his neck, he continued, 'Mistress, you do not think. If I am wholly your master, I am also the master of your turquoise. Great Magician, if you have some wealth, bring it, and be initiated. This turquoise is mine.'

Thinking that the mother, in her ardor, would renew her prayer after offering the turquoise, I remained where I was.

But the lama was furious and jumped up! 'I sent you away, yet you are still here. What insolence!'

He hurled me to the ground on my face, and everything went black. He threw me on my back and I saw stars. Then he seized a stick, but Ngokpa held him back. Terrified, I jumped down into the courtyard. Although the lama was concerned, he pretended he was still angry.

I was not hurt, but was filled with grief and longed to die. Tnen the wife of the lama came up to me in tears, saying, ‘Great Magician, do not be distressed. There is no disciple more faithful or loving than you. If you want to go to another lama for the Doctrine, I shall prepare whatever is necessary for you. I will give you supplies and gifts.' In this way she comforted me.

Up till then, the mistress had wanted to take part in all the lama's gatherings. But this evening she came and wept with me all through the night.

go to Fifth Chapter: Ordeals - (part 2)