Milarepa - His Life

Jetsun Milarepa

Fifth Chapter: Ordeals - Part Two

The next morning the lama sent for me. I went to him, wondering whether he would instruct me. He asked, 'Are you not dissatisfied by my refusal to teach you? Do you not have evil thoughts?'

'I have faith in the lama,' I answered, 'and I have not uttered a single word of rebellion. On the contrary, I believe that I am in darkness on account of my sins. I am the author of my own misery.' I wept. And he continued, 'What do you expect to gain from me by these tears? Get Out!'

Then in a state of heart-rending misery I thought to myself, ‘I had provisions when I was committing sins. Now that I am practicing religion, I have nothing. If I had even half the gold that I gave away to do evil deeds, I could obtain initiation and the secret teaching. Now, without gifts, this lama will not teach me. Even were I to go to another lama, he too would require gifts. Religion is forbidden to the poor. Without religion, a man is only an accumulator of sins and I would do better to kill myself. What to do? What to do? Shall I go and serve a rich man? Shall I earn wages and obtain gifts to offer for the teaching? Since I did cast my spells, should I now return to my village? My mother would be happy to see me agin, and I would be able to earn some money. Either I must search for some other place or seek wealth.'

I thought to myself, 'If I take the lama's flour for provisions it will only enrage him more.' I took my books and left without saying anything, even to the lama's wife. On the way, I remembered her kindness and I cherished it.

Half a day's march from Drowo Lung I stopped to take my meal. I begged for some tsampa and borrowed a pot. Gathering some dry wood, I cooked my meal and ate it. It was now past mid-day and I thought, 'Half my work was service due the lama; the other half was payment for my food. Preparing this one meal was difficult for me. The lama's wife

But I did not have the courage to go back. As I was returning the cooking pot, an old man said to me, 'Young man, you seem fit for work. Rather than beg, go into homes and recite prayers if you know how to read. If you do not know how to read, work as a servant for food and clothing. Can you read?'

I replied, 'I am not a beggar, and I know how to read.'

'Good. Go and recite the prayers at my house, and I will pay you well.'

I was overjoyed. And while staying there I read the Eight Thousand Stanzas (note 7). I then read the story of Taktugnu (note 8) (Who Weeps Perpetually). I thought, 'Taktugnu, who was also without money, gave his body and his life for religion. He would have torn out his heart and sold it, he would have cut it into pieces. Compared to him, I

When I had left the lama, his wife said to him, 'Your indomitable enemy has gone. Now are you happy?'
'Who has gone?'

'Well, upon whom else but Great Magician have you inflicted every misery and whom else have you treated like an enemy?'

At these words, the lama's face clouded and became wet with tears. 'Lamas of the Kagyu (note 9) Order, dakinis, and protectors of religion, bring back my predestined son.'

Having prayed, he covered his head with his cloak and remained motionless.

At that moment I came before the lama's wife and greeted her. Joyously she cried out, 'Here you are at just the right moment. It appears that the lama will now teach you. I told him of your departure, and he cried out, "Give me back my predestined son." Then he burst into tears. It seems you have softened his heart.'

I thought to myself, 'The mistress is only soothing my heart. If it were really true that he had shed tears, that he had said "predestined son," I would be completely happy. If, in the contrary, he had merely said "Bring him back to me" in the way he has previously refused me initiation and instruction, then I am indeed unfortunate. I have nowhere else to go. Must I be miserable here, without ever obtaining the teaching?'

The mother said to the lama, 'Great Magician has not left us. He has returned. May he come before you?'

The lama replied, 'He did forsake us, but he has not forsaken himself. If you wish, let him come.'

I came before him, and he said, ‘Great magician, if from the bottom of your heart you wish for religion with such impatience and restlessness, you must give your life for it. Complete the three remining stories of the tower and I will give you the teaching. Otherwise, since it is costly to feed you and since you have somewhere to go to, go now.'

There was nothing I could say, so I left. I said to the lama's wife, 'The lama still refuses to instruct me. If I were sure he would give me the teaching when I finished the tower, I would stay. But, if when the tower is finished, he still decided not to teach me, there would be nothing I could do. I long to see my mother. Therefore, I ask permission to leave for my village. May both the lama and you remain in good health.'

I prostrated myself and, taking my books, prepared to leave.

The mother said, 'My son, you are right. As I have already promised you, I will find a way to have you taught by Ngokton, who is a great disciple of the lama and who is initiated. Stay a little longer and pretend to work.'

With joy I stayed and worked.

Since Naropa had had the custom of celebrating the tenth day of each moon by a great sacrifice of offerings, Marpa also celebrated the tenth day of the moon. From a bushel of barley that she had saved, the mistress brewed three large measures for the libations. She made one measure strong, one light, and one medium.

She gave the light beer for sacramental libations. To the monks, to be offered to the lama, she gave more and more of the strong beer. The mistress and myself were pouring it for him. The monks themselves drank the medium beer. The mother, touching the weak beer to her lips, drank

Meanwhile, his wife removed the gifts – the jewels of Naropa and the rosary of rubies - from his room. She then forged a message from the lama.

Affixing his seal on a letter prepared in advance, she wrapped them in a precious cloth, sealed it all with wax and gave it to me, saying, 'Act as if these things were sent by the lama. Go and offer them to Lama Ngokpa and ask him to teach you.'

She sent me to Shung. I departed, placing all my hopes in Lama Ngokpa.

Two days later the Lama Marpa said to his wife, 'What is Great Magician doing now?'

'He is on the road. I know nothing more.'

‘Where did he go?'

'He told me that even if he finished the work on the tower, you would not give him instruction but would shower him with blows and reproaches. He said that he was going to search for another lama and prepared to leave. I had the thought that I had warned you in vain, since you paid no attention. You would have beaten him again. To avoid this shame, I said nothing to you. I did everything to delay his departure. But, without listening, he left.'

With an angry face the lama asked, 'When did he leave?'

'He left yesterday.'

The lama remained thoughtful for a moment. 'My son cannot be far away yet.'

Now, at that very moment I was arriving at Mount Kyungding in Shung. Lama Ngokpa was expounding an esoteric text entitled 'The Two Divisions (note 10)" to his disciples. His discourse was interrupted while expounding these verses:

I am the Master of the Dharma.
I am the Assembly of the Hearers.
I am the Master of the Universe and the Object of Realization.
I am the Conditioned and the Unconditioned.
I am the Innate Nature of Spontaneous Bliss.

As he was pronouncing these words I prostrated myself at a distance. He responded by removing his hat, and said, ‘This is the manner of greeting used by Marpa's disciples. And the words that he interrupted are of good omen (note 11).

For this man will be the Master of all the Doctrines. Go and ask him who he is.'

One of the monks went to meet me and, recognizing me, said, 'Why have you come?'

‘Since the Lama Marpa is very busy, I am the only one that he has not had time to instruct. I have come here to ask for the teaching. As gifts I bring the jewels of Naropa and his rosary of rubies.'

The monk returned to his master and told him, 'It is Great Magician.' And he repeated my words.

The lama was filled with joy. He exclaimed, 'The jewels and the rosary of the Great Master Naropa in my dwelling! This is as rare and marvelous as the Udumbara (note 12) flower. We must go out to receive them. For today, let us stop at this auspicious place in our lesson. Monks, fetch a parasol, an quickly, some flags and cymbals, and ask Great Magician to take his place in the procession.'

Since I had remined where I first made my greeting, a monk came to give me this message. I called this place Chaktsal Gang (Ridge of Salutation).

I stepped back and then joined the monks, who formed the procession with parasols, banners, and cymbals. We entered the lama's house. I prostrated myself and gave him the letter with the gifts. With tearful eyes, the lama rised the gifts to his forehead and received their blessing. He placed these sacred objects on the altar, giving them the most prominent place and setting offerings in front of them.

Then he read the letter:

'To Choku Dorje (Diamond of Ultimate Reality): Since I have gone into retreat and Great Magician lacks patience I am sending him to ask you for the teaching. Give him initiation and instruction. As testimony of my permission to do this, I am sending you the jewels of Naropa.'

Lama Ngokpa said, 'Since it is an order from Marpa, I will instruct you. I had thought of sending for you but happily by the grace of Marpa you have come. Many disciples come to me from Kham, from Tagpo, from Kongpo, and from Yarlung. The evil people of the villages of Yehpo and Yemo of Dol always steal our provisions. Go and strike them all with hail. Afterward you will receive initiation and instruction.'
Then I thought, 'I am destined to perform evil deeds. I can only get the sacred teaching by sending hailstorms, and thereby will again be indulging in harmful deeds. If I do not send hail, I will be disobeying the orders of the lama and I shall not hear the teaching. I cannot avoid sending the hailstorm.'

Having gathered together the ritual objects, I charged some sesame seeds with magical power and brought them along. Arriving in the province of Dol, I set to work and prepared to bring on the hailstorm.
At Yehpo I stayed at the house of an old woman and made myself a shelter nearby.

The storm gathered quickly. The thunder rumbled. Dark clouds piled up, one by one, then two by two, and the hail stones began to fall. The old woman cried out, 'When my

I said to myself, 'What I am doing is criminal.' And to the old woman, 'Quickly, draw the shape of your field.'

‘It is like this.'

She drew an elongated triangle, which I reproduced. I formed my hand in the mudra (note 13) of watching and covered the triangle with a wide pan. The apex of the triangle, which protruded a little, was devastated by the wind.

I went out to verify the results with my own eyes. The mountain slopes behind the two villages were transformed into torrents. Only the field of the old woman remained intact and fertile. Nothing remained of all the other fields. The far end of the triangle which had been struck was carried away by the flood. I assured the old woman that from now on her field would always be protected and that she would have to pay the tithe for protection against hail storms. She would have to pay it only on the part that the flood had carried away.

I left. On the road I met two shepherds, an old man and a child, whose flock of sheep had been carried away by the flood.

I said to them, 'It is I who have done this. Do not steal from the monks of Lama Ngokpa anymore. If you steal from them again you will be struck by hail each time in the same way.'

They reported these threats and the two provinces respectfully paid homage to the lama. Intending to become his faithful followers, they offered him their services.

At the edge of a thicket, I found many small dead birds. All along the way I gathered up the bodies of birds and rats. I filled the hood and the lap of my rain cloak with them and when I returned to the lama I heaped them all up at his feet.

‘Lama Rimpoche, I came here for the holy religion but in truth I have only sinned. Have compassion on me, a great sinner.' Speaking thus, I wept.

The lama answered, 'Brother Great Magician, have no fear. We, the disciples of Naropa and Maitreya (note 14), know the secret formula called "Driving away a hundred birds with a single slingshot," which enables great sinners to achieve Enlightenment instantly.

'In the future all these creatures now killed by the hail will be reborn around you and will form a procession when you attain full Enlightenment. Rejoice that from now on, thanks to me, they will not be reborn in the lower realms. If you do not believe me, I will show you.'

After collecting himself for a moment, he snapped his fingers and immediately the bodies were revivified. In an instant some flew skyward and others raced over the ground and returned to their nests. I thought, 'I have seen a real Buddha. Thus how much better it would be, how much

Then the lama gave me initiation into the mandala of Hevajra. After he had given me this teaching, I moved into an abandoned cave on a steep cliff, facing south, from which the lama's home could be seen. I walled myself in, leaving a small opening through which the lama instructed me.

I meditated without respite. But because I had left Marpa without his permission, I had no inner experience. One day the lama said to me, 'Brother Great Magician, have you experienced any inner signs?' 'No, nothing.'

'What are you saying? Unless my spiritual lineage has become polluted with disharmony, it has the power to bring about an awakening quickly. You have come to me in good faith. But if you did not have the permission of Lama Marpa to leave, why did he send gifts to me? What is going on here? Whatever it is, persevere in your meditation.'
I remained, full of fear. I wondered whether to tell the whole truth. But lacking the courage to speak, I thought, 'In any case Marpa is sure to hear of it.' And I plunged into meditation.

Meanwhile Marpa had completed his son's tower and he sent a letter to Ngokpa: ‘Now that my son's tower has reached a point where it needs a wooden frieze, send me as many loads of thin cane as you can (note 15). When I have set the frieze and the pinnacle you should come for the consecration of the tower, and also to celebrate the coming of age of Doday Bum (Marpa's son). Bring with you a certain evil-doer who belongs to me.'

Lama Ngokpa came to the small opening of my cell and, showing me the letter, said to me, 'It is just as this letter states. The evil-doer of whom this letter speaks was not sent by Marpa.'

I replied, 'It is true that the order did not come from the lama himself. It is the lama's wife who gave me the letter and the gifts and sent me here.'

'Ah ha! If that is the way it is, we have no reason for working together. Without the lama's permission you will not achieve results. There is nothing to be done. He said to bring you back. Will you or will you not go?'

'May I go with you as a servant?'

'Good. When I have sent the wood for the frieze, I will send someone to find out the day of celebration. Until then, stay in seclusion.'

The one who had gone to verify the day of the celebration returned and, through the opening of my cell, said, 'The ceremony for the consecration of the tower and the coming of age of Marpa's son have been discussed in detail.'

'Did they speak of me?'

'Marpa's wife asked what you were doing. I told her you were in strict seclusion. She asked me what else you were doing besides that. I replied that you were living in a deserted place. She then said, "Maybe he missed this which left here. When he was with us he used to be very fond of it. Give it to him." This is what she gave me.'

Loosening his belt, he drew out a clay die and handed it to me. Thinking that this object came from the hands of the lama's wife, I touched it to my forehead with veneration.

The man went away. As I was in a mood to play with the dice, I played. Then I thought, 'When I was with Marpa's wife I never played dice. Perhaps now she does not have much affection for me. It was dice which long ago drove my ancestors from their homeland.' And swinging it above my head I threw the die. It broke and out of it fell a roll of paper which read, 'Now the lama will initiate you and give you the teaching. Return with Lama Ngokpa.'
So great was my joy that I danced, leaping from one side of my cell to the other. Tnen Lama Ngokpa came and said to me, 'Good Great Magician, come out and prepare to leave.'

I obeyed. Lama Ngokpa carried all of his own collection of images, scriptures, and stupas, his gold and turquoise, his silks and his garments, and all the household utensils, leaving behind the gifts given by Marpa. He ordered me to leave an old goat which had a broken leg and could not follow the herd. He took away all his other animals from the stable and the meadow.

When we were ready to leave, he said to me, 'Since you have been helpful to me, take this silk and this turquoise as an offering to Lama Marpa.' His wife also gave me a bag of cheese to offer to Dakmema, the wife of Lama Marpa.

Then Lama Ngokpa, with his wife, retinue of servants, and my self, arrived at the bottom of the Valley of the Birches. Ngokpa said, 'Brother Great Magician, go ahead of us and tell Marpa's wife that we are coming. See if she will send us some beer.'
I went on ahead. First I met the lama's wife. I greeted her and offered her the bag of cheese.
‘Lama Ngokpa is coming,' I said. 'Please bring some beer to welcome him.'

Joyfully she responded, 'The lama is in his room. Go and ask him yourself.'

I went. The lama was on his terrace making his devotions, his face turned toward the east. I prostrated myself and offered him the silk and the turquoise. He turned his head away and looked toward the west. I went to this side and prostrated myself again. He looked toward the south.

'O Master,' I cried, 'it is right that as punishment you reject my offerings. But Lama Ngokpa is arriving with his collection of images, scriptures, stupas, gold, and turquoise, with his dzos, his horses, and all his wealth. He only hopes that someone is going to receive him with a little beer. That is why I am asking it of you.'

Bursting with anger, snapping his fingers, the lama shouted in a terrible voice, 'From three collections of sacred books in India I extracted the essence of the four Tantras. When I brought back the teaching, no one came to greet me, not even a little bird. And because Ngokpa is arriving, pushing a few debilitated beasts in front of him, he wishes that I, the great Lotsava (note 16), should go to meet him. I shall not go – and now get out!'

I went to tell all this to the lama's wife. She said, 'The lama answered in anger. Ngokpa is a great man and should be met. Let us both go, mother and son.'

I answered, 'Lama Ngokpa and his wife do not expect anyone to go and meet them. They have asked for something to drink so I will go alone and carry it.'

But the lama's wife went to greet them together with some monks carrying a quantity of beer.

Meanwhile, many people of the Southern Cliffs had gathered together, having been invited to a great feast for the coming of age of the lama's son and the consecration of the house.

And Marpa, in their midst, sang this chant of praise and thanksgiving:

I call upon my Master, the Compassionate One;
Excellence abounds in this precious lineage of mine, unstined by flaw or deficiency.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in the rapid path of secret transmission,
Without error or deception.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in Marpa Lotsava
Guarding the essence of these secrets.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in lamas, yidams, and dakinis
Possessing the power of blessing and of aiding true realizaion.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in the spiritual sons and disciples assembled,
In your faith and in your vows.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in benefactors far and near,
Accumulating merits through their generosity.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in all our actions and endeavors
Achieving enlightenment for the good of others.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in gods and demi-gods of the visible world
Remaining faithful to their sacred pledges.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Excellence abounds in monks and lay people assembled in this place
In their aspiration for peace and happiness.
May all be blessed through this excellence.

Thus chanted Marpa. Immediately afterward, the Lama Ngokpa offered him his gifts, saying, 'Lama Rimpoche, since you are already the Master of my whole being, body, speech, and mind, I now offer all my worldly goods, except for a long-haired goat, the decrepit forebear of all my goats, who, unable to come here on her broken leg, has been left behind. Mercifully grant us initiation and profound instruction and the secret teaching written on the scrolls.' And he prostrated himself.

Marpa, appearing joyful, replied, 'But even so, my initiation and profound instructions are the shortest path of Vajrayana which, without having to wait for innumerable kalpas, leads directly to Enlightenment in this life. The precepts written on the scrolls are being kept by me under safeguards according to the strict commands of my own lama and the dakinis. That is why it will be difficult for these precepts to be given you if you do not offer me this old goat, in spite of her age and broken leg. As to the other teachings, I have already taught them all to you.'

All those present burst into laughter, and Ngokpa replied, ‘If the goat is brought here and I offer it to you, will you reveal the secret teaching to me?'

'If you bring the goat yourself, and offer it to me, you may have the teaching.'

On the following day, the guests having withdrawn, Ngokpa set out alone.

He returned with the goat on his back and offered it to Marpa, who cried out joyfully, 'You are an initiated disciple such as is worthy to be called faithful to his sacred bond. I have no need of this goat. I only wanted to stress the importance of the teaching that I am giving you.'

He gave him initiation and instruction as promised.
Monks who had come from afar, together with a few close associates who were brought together, arranged a ritual feast. Marpa put a long acacia stick near his seat. Looking at Ngokpa with narrowed eyes and pointing his finger at him, he said, 'Ngokton Chodor, why have you conferred initiation and instruction on this wicked man called Good News?'

Saying this, he glanced toward his stick. Ngokpa was afraid and, prostrating himself, answered, 'Lama Rimpoche, you yourself wrote to me to initiate and instruct Great Magician, and you gave me the jewels of Naropa and his rosary of rubies. Thus I carried out your order. I have no cause to reproach myself and I feel neither shame nor remorse.

Speaking thus, Ngokpa fearfully raised his eyes. Furiously, Marpa pointed his finger at me and asked, 'Where did you get these objects?'

My heart agonized as though it had been torn out. I was mute with terror. In a trembling voice I confessed that the mother had given them to me.

The lama jumped up and brandishing the acacia stick went out to beat his wife. Having been listening attentively, she got up and ran away.

Taking refuge in the temple, she locked herself in.

The lama shook the door, then returned and sat down. He said to Ngokpa, 'Ngokton Chodor, you acted without my permission. Go this moment and get the jewels of Naropa and his rosary of rubies.'
Then Marpa covered his head with his cloak and remained motionless.

Having prostrated himself, Ngokpa immediately left to fetch Naropa's jewels and his rosary of rubies. I regretted not having fled with the lama's wife.

I felt like crying and, as I tried to hold back my tears, Ngokpa saw me. I asked to go with him as a servant. He replied, 'If I take you away without the lama's permission, it will always be the same thing as today. Since he is angry with us both, stay here for a while. If later he sends you away without having accepted you as a disciple, then I will have full power to help you.'

'Well then, since Marpa's wife and you are both in trouble because of my sins, and since with this present body I will not receive the Doctrine but only accumulate more sins, I am going to kill myself. May I be reborn with a body worthy of religion!'

As I was about to kill myself, Ngokpa restrained me. And with tears, said to me, 'Worthy Great Magician, not that! According to the most secret teachings of the Buddha, the faculties and the senses of each of us are innately divine. If you die before your time, you commit the sin of killing a god. That is why suicide is such a great crime. Even in the exoteric tradition of the Sutras there is no greater sin than to cut off one's own life. Since you know this, give up the idea of killing yourself. It is still possible that the lama will give you the teaching. But if he does not, another lama surely will.'

While he was speaking in this way, some of the other monks, not being able to bear my misfortune, went up to the lama to see if the moment had come to intercede for me; others came to comfort me. In spite of that, filled with anguish, I thought, 'Is my heart made of iron? For if it were not, it would have burst and I would be dead.'

It is because of the crimes committed in my youth that I endured such suffering while seeking religion. At this moment, there was no one who was not sobbing tearfully. Some of them were overcome by grief and fainted.

Thus spoke Milarepa. This is the fifth chapter, wherein Mila is purified of the stain of sin and suffering.

Translators Notes:

Note 8: Taktugnu. This refers to a Bodhisattva who went through inconceivably numerous ordeals in search of the Dharma. There is a life of Taktugnu in Tibetan.
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Note 9: Kagyu refers to the teachings from which the Kagyupa Order derived its name.
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Note 10: The Two Divisions refers to the main divisions of Hevajra Tantra.
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Note 11: Good omen. In all Tibetan literature, when as unexpected arrival interrupts a reading or a recitation, the last words pronounced are considered significant in relation to the destiny of the newcomer.
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Note 12: Udumbara. According to Tibetan literature, a very rare lotus of fabulous color, immense size, and unmatched fragrance.
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Note 13: Mudra. Mudras are symbolic gestures of the hand or postures of the body which form part of the esoteric practice.
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Note 14: Maitreya. Maitreya was as Indian Buddhist teacher from whom Marpa, in the course of his journey to India, received the esoteric teaching of Mahamudra. Marpa transmitted this teaching to Milarepa, who passed it down to Gampopa, Retchungpa, and so on, until it reached the teachers of the present time.
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Note 15: Religious structures are crowned with a brown frieze of tamarisk twigs set on edge and cut close to the wall like a brush.
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Note 16: Lotsava is a general term meaning translator of the Texts of the Dharma.
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go to Sixth Chapter: Initiations and Instructions